2013 Easthammer sinkhole disaster

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The 2013 Easthammer sinkhole disaster was a disaster in Easthammer, Storsvenska Riket av Arisk Nation. An enormous sinkhole opened up in the middle of the great city, centered at the local police station.

Easthammer residents were warned by the Soviet authorities to stay home and remain calm, and to avoid getting into a 100-meter radius of the Central Police Station.

The disaster was eventually brought to an end with the help of the Boss.


The sinkhole was at its largest approximately 38 meters wide and 75 meters deep.

Soviet authorities initially stated that they were uncertain if they could stop the expansion before more buildings were dragged down.

Josef Stalin was rumored to be on a secret mission in space, and thus the Man of Steel could not be counted upon to save the citizens of Easthammer.


On March 1, the Swedish police started a 3-month long amnesty for people to submit weapons for which they did not own a license. In Easthammer, this procedure started out relatively calm and only 3 people in as many days showed up with weapons, most likely because most Soviet citizens follow the law extremely well and would never keep illegal weapons in their homes.

Trouble arose on March 4 when Northwestern Governor Radam Smetenskij showed up, however. He came dragging a trolley packed with at least 30 weapons, ranging from handguns to rocket launchers. To the astounded press he presented the Smith & Wesson revolver used in the Olof Palme murder, as well as three hyper-advanced, prototype assault rifles previously unknown to the world, apparently stolen from a secret firearms lab in Moscow.

Smetenskij then revealed that he was a sinner and had hundreds of illegal weapon caches all over Sweden, but that he was ready to repent. He had placed teleport devices on each cache and warned everyone to stand back while he teleported the weapons into the police compound. When the 103 274 weapons and a T-34 tank appeared in the same spot at once, the combined weight and force created a sinkhole 20 meter deep and 10 meter wide, which swallowed the entire police station in 30 seconds.

Human status and casulties

All neighbouring houses had their residents evacuated as the sinkhole widened.

All police officers and journalists miraculously got out of the building without falling into the sinkhole, but Smetenskij was by all accounts swallowed by the ground, "and good riddance to him", local police commissioner Kaj Svensson said.

A witness told PartiBladet he's certain he heard Smetenskij scream "YEEEHOW!" before he fell into the sinkhole.

Stalin appears

On March 5, Stalin landed in Easthammer unannounced. He immediately used his superpowers to seal the sinkhole and search through the rubble. Radam could not be found, however. 2 hours after landing, the Boss had to leave for outer space yet again. He quickly took off, to the sound of thousands of applauds.